Choice, part two

Over the course of the last twelve years there have been several, if not many, challenging situations through which I persevered, even though I believed that I had no strength left to be summoned and nothing more to give. It was during those times that impossibility, survival and obligation fueled my every step and, until recently, I commended myself for these apparent triumphs over such staggering adversities.

But, to say that I picked myself up when I had no strength is a lie. I am not superhuman, but an ordinary woman not very unlike all other women. Obviously I had the strength - it was willingness that I lacked. I was driven by the belief that I had no other options, that I must, that I HAVE TO prevail, if not for myself then for those who were dependent on me. Ahhh, such a martyr.

I now find myself wondering what it would have been like to meet those challenges from a place of choice rather than being driven by "have to's." And I wonder how much more strength might have been available to me with willingness at the heart of my "persevering."

So what about the present? Certainly, for every day that my feet hit the floor, I will be gifted with similar challenges and many more opportunities to choose how to respond to whatever life delivers, but now with awareness and fully comprehending that there are many possibilities. And I do not know what will happen or what can possibly happen - all I can do is take my best shot. I am not God.

There, I said it: I am not God. What that means (to me) is that, for me, there are possibilities rather than absolutes. For me, there is free will and the gift of choice. Hallelujah!

I'm so relieved.