Living Alone, Chapter 1

As of Sept. 27 I've been living alone for the very first time in my life. There's certainly a lot to like about it: no one sitting in my favorite chair or turning off my music or eating the chicken I was saving for lunch. But, these are just the petty annoyances of living with another (a teenage child to be specific). The real joys of living alone for me are found in moments of deep thought and self-reflection, in blissful endorphin baths that I seem to experience only when perfectly and utterly in communion with myself, my whole self and nothing but myself.

I've made discoveries within and embraced new ways of being in the world at large. I've learned that in seeing and knowing myself I have also experienced loving myself, something that has eluded me for years. You can't just say, "I love myself," and have it be true. And it isn't enough to take good care of myself, to have strong boundaries, or to put myself first even; none of those things have ever made a difference for me. But, rather it was opening my eyes to see the woman I am, allowing my heart to acknowledge the truth, understanding that it is neither ego to know one's goodness nor humility to deny it - these are the changes I've made in myself.

These are my new choices and they have delivered the sweetest love I could ever hope to know.