Sudden realization

I've begun reading Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen based on a fellow blogger's review and this morning I was stopped cold by this line on page 66: I look for an elephant with equal parts dread and disappointment.

I flashed back to 1992 or so, when my son was a toddler and his father and I took him to the circus at the Providence Civic Center. I was having a great time watching my son's delight, hearing his laughter ... and then they brought out the elephants. I didn't know what was happening to me at first but I became completely engulfed by a deep and overpowering sorrow. I physically receded into my seat as far as I could and found that I was unable to speak even to tell my husband what was happening. And then I realized - it was the elephants. I was feeling the sadness of these incredibly beautiful and emotional animals, feeling their overwhelming despair and I had all I could do not to cry in front of my son. I have empathic tendencies and in those days they were unchecked - it took me a few days to shake off the depression.

Now I know why I have picked up this book on several occasions only to replace it on the shelf un-purchased. I have had only bad feelings about the circus ever since that experience but not having any cause to be reminded of them, I had pushed them into the deeper recesses of my memory, until now. Fortunately, the writing is good and the story engaging so I'm hoping that the happy ending I read about can overcome this dark memory looming in the background.

I have a feeling there is something more for me here than just a good summer read. Life has a way of delivering exactly what I need, exactly when I am ready for it.